Bad Day

So, it's been awhile. I go back and forth between babying and abandoning this blog. And I am just having a bad day.

Most of it, is just that I am in a bad mood. It's difficult to be in a good mood when the person you live with is always in a bad mood. And it's difficult to be in a good mood when you feel like your life is crumbling all around you. Nothing goes as planned anymore, and I am not sure how much more of it I can take. And on a bad day, it's just the icing on the cake when your children decide not to listen, not even once.

I have to go back to work next week. The cheer season is going to be starting up full swing. But I am stuck in a bad position. I have to be at practices, but I also have to drive Adam to and from work each day and to and from Fort Wayne twice a week. So, I am either going to have to quit coaching, or Adam is going to have to quit his job. Neither is a good situation. I can't be in two places at once. And I am getting seriously stressed about it. I don't know what to do.

I talked to a lady from Headstart....it's basically the preschool for the needy. And we are in strong need of this program. The school I want to send Alex to, we can't afford. But I was told that Heacstart will base qualification off of our last year of income. Well, if they do that, then we won't qualify. Why do they base it off of what we were making a year ago?? We don't have that income any longer, we barely make more than half of what we were making a year ago. So we will not be able to send Alex there, and can not afford to send him to a different preschool. I can not afford daycare for Alex while I am working next year either....we are in quite a pickle.

And it's all I think about all the time. I am stressed, and it just seems there's not a damn thing I can do. I snap at the kids. And the kids misbehave, so I snap at them even more. Just at my wits end.

No energy

Today, I have felt completely drained. I think it's because I have a lot on my mind as there are a lot of aspects of my life that will be changing soon...and thinking about it all of the time is wearing me out.

My mom has allowed us to live with her for the past two years (THANK YOU MOM), and we have done this for two reasons. 1) With Adam being in Japan, cost of living is too high for us to live seperately and still be able to afford the basics like housing and all the extra stuff that goes along with it, and 2) Adam is in Japan, I hate living alone!

I am currently "looking" for a different place to live as we have definitely overstayed our welcome(we were only suppose to be here for about 3-6 months, tops), and when my mom and her fiance move into their new house I don't want to invite myself along. The problem is, with Adam in Japan, we can't afford it! The other problem, another reason I am stressing out, is that he is supposed to be getting out of the Army soon. We are suppose to receive all sorts of benefits which will be helpful with paying bills, but I know how the Army is...we probably won't start receiving those benefits for several month if we're lucky! And jobs are slim-pickin's around here. I have been searching for a job for over a year now without any luck. So, I don't know how I am suppose to find a house to rent or buy without a job, and I obviously can't afford it without one either.

SO....I think this is some of what has been wearing me out. I think about it constantly. I napped a lot today, so hopefully that'll help restore some of my energy that I need for the rest of the week, but I didn't get much done today. I did fold a load of laundry, but it's still on my bed and I don't know if I have the energy to clear it off before I go to sleep! ha ha

I will keep trucking along, and hopefully I will find a lead on a job that'll be a perfect fit for me and my other responsibilities (kids, coaching, school)...but then I will be exhausted physically rather than mentally! ha ha